ICE Unleashes 'Operation Gray Duck,' Vows to Deport Anyone Who Says 'Goose'

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – In a move that has sent shockwaves through the nation's potluck and playground communities, acting U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Director Todd Lyons announced the launch of "Operation Northern Menace," what he is calling the "largest and most culturally significant immigration operation ever conceived." ## A Threat to Our Very Way of Life Speaking from behind a podium flanked by tactical agents holding casserole dishes, Lyons declared a zero-tolerance policy for cultural fraud in the Minneapolis area. "For too long, a shadowy network of 'Goose' proponents has infiltrated our playgrounds and community centers, eroding the very fabric of Minnesota Nice," Lyons stated grimly. "This is not a game. When a child is tapped on the head, the correct and only permissible response is 'Gray Duck.' Any utterance of 'Goose' will now be treated as a confession of foreign allegiances and grounds for immediate removal." The operation, under the iron-fisted leadership of newly-minted Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, has reportedly surged thousands of federal agents into the city to establish cultural checkpoints. ## Noem Brings a New Leash on Justice Secretary Noem, known for her decisive and final approach to dealing with perceived threats, has taken a hands-on role. Sources say she has personally overseen the establishment of 're-education' centers where detainees are forced to watch hours of old 'Prairie Home Companion' episodes and correctly identify the primary binder in a Tater Tot Hotdish. "We will not stand by while our core values are threatened by these 'Goose' sympathizers," a DHS memo, allegedly written on the back of a feed store receipt, proclaimed. "Under Secretary Noem's guidance, we will root out this threat, even if it means going door-to-door and asking people if they call it 'soda' or 'pop'." ## The Gray Duck Shibboleth Eyewitnesses report seeing heavily armed agents setting up impromptu games in public parks. "They tapped my cousin Bjorn on the head, he panicked and said 'Goose,' and next thing you know he was in a black van," whispered one resident, clutching a bag of wild rice. "We should have seen the signs. He never brought a proper seven-layer salad to family gatherings." Federal officials have confirmed they are targeting perpetrators of politeness fraud and removing criminal aliens who fail to say "ope" when squeezing past someone in a grocery aisle. The operation is ongoing, and residents are advised to brush up on their local customs or face the consequences.